Life can be difficult. The more we do, the more responsibility we carry, the more difficult it can be. Whether you’re an active teenager juggling academics and athletics, a busy parent running a full household, or a small business owner juggling family and employees, there are some basic things that we can all do to make our lives easier.
Step One: Prioritize.
Prioritize the relationships and responsibilities in your life. Reflect on your life. Who are the people you don’t want to let down? And what do you need to get done? Write it down and order them.
For me, it’s God, my wife, my kids. After that, I have two businesses, with several employees and volunteers requiring my time: Hardhits and No Cap Fund. The order will change depending on the season. With my kids, for example, I adjust my approach based on where they are in their developmental stage. Sometimes kids need more attention than other times. When my twins were born, they were number one. Then it was my teenager, Gabriel, and then Oliver and Julia.
Through the years, it changes. The kids shuffle up and down the board, where my attention goes. And I try my best to give everyone my attention, but I make sure, depending on where my child is, that they receive my focus at that given time, when they need me most. I try to find somebody, like mom, aunts, uncles, Mawmaw, Geegee, to help fill the hole that I’m leaving when they are lower on the list.
Everyone’s list will be slightly different. For some, maybe it’s spouse, family, friends, then work. Or perhaps it’s spouse, friends, and then family. I do think, however, it’s important to put God at the top of any list.
And I know that not everybody shares the same beliefs, but what I would recommend is that you find something else, something that’s not for yourself. Maybe it’s volunteer work. Maybe it’s stoicism or another faith. The key here is that when you feed into the people and places you love most, they feed back into you.
Step Two: Build Structure.
The next step is to build strutcure. This is where scheduling and boundaries are particularly important, especially for leaders managing others’ lives.
Scheduling is important because it allows you to get more done, and it helps you communicate with others. Especially those you care about, letting them know where you’re going to be, and when you are going to be there. It ensures that you set proper boundaries between the things that you must do and the things that you want to do.
This is most commonly seen in work and family, where it’s essential to draw that line and make that distinction, so you can have quality time with your family and not just go through the motions.
If you’re a high school student trying to manage a challenging academic schedule, many after-school activities, and a social life, creating boundaries and a schedule ensures homework, chores, and personal care are done. Making it easier to have a full social life as well.
The great thing about building structure with boundaries and schedules is that once you get in motion and it becomes a habit, things flow more easily. No more having to try to reorganize your day every day. Now you have a constant flow.
The COVID lockdowns had a profoundly negative impact on many people because they blurred the lines between work and home, making it difficult to distinguish between the two. It also broke established boundaries and schedules. Many were left having to adjust on the fly to reestablish workable habits in their life.
Step Three: Create Space.
The third thing to do once you’ve prioritized the people and responsibilities in life and built a structure is to create a space for those people and for yourself to communicate and spend time together. A space to have difficult conversations and express your feelings of frustration, confusion, sadness, and happiness with the people you prioritize.
Ensure you’re creating a space where they can do the same for you. If you’re a leader, whether as a parent or a boss, this means creating a space where you can talk with your kids or employees, ensuring they know that they can come to you with anything.
Suppose you’re a kid or an employee. In that case, this means taking advantage of the opportunity when your parents or boss creates that space. Instead of shutting down and being frustrated in that moment, allow yourself the freedom to express whatever emotion you’re going through to your parent or boss, giving them the chance to help you through it.
Life can be a lot, and when you’re not the one in charge, you can’t always be in control of when those spaces are created for you. It’s essential to be adaptable and seize the opportunities when they arise. Because your parents or boss have more responsibilities, their schedules are busier, and they are often doing their best, but they are still just human, flawed, and imperfect.
But also, don’t be afraid to ask for space. Sometimes, the person leading you may not see your needs the same way. Maybe they are overwhelmed and have missed the signs. Speak up for yourself, ask for time, and be patient with them as they build it into their day.
As a parent, it’s important to create space for one-on-one time with your kids. This can be a lesson in cooking, playing catch, or just lounging around watching a movie. This builds a stronger bond and creates an opportunity for deeper conversations. Things that I have done include cooking with my twins, bonding over music with Gabe, reading with Julia, and running with Oliver before my hip issues.
If you’re a husband or wife, it’s essential to create a space where you can enjoy time with your better half, have fun, cook, laugh, and even work out. Do those monotonous chores of life that can feel like they weigh you down, and turn them into something that’s not so bad, that’s even enjoyable.
Also, create a space to share with your spouse when you’re not having a good day, and maybe you need to vent or seek advice. And it also means creating a space for intimacy. This doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but it does include physical intimacy like cuddling, maybe a foot or back rub. What’s most important here is that you see your partner and show them gratitude. Now, with many, this might lead to sex, but that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is letting your other half know that even though you’re doing a lot, and even though they might not feel like they are doing a great job. That you recognize and appreciate their effort. You still think they are awesome, still beautiful, and you couldn’t imagine doing life with anybody else. You're more than just roommates or a business partner. You and your spouse are partners in life, and that includes everything, challenges and successes, trials and tribulations, fun and happiness.
Most importantly, create a space for God. Go to church, join a Bible study, pray, and bring as many of the people you prioritize in your life into that space. Share it together and share that love.
By reflecting on what’s important and bringing order to your life. By prioritizing, building structure, boundaries, and schedules, you’ll create spaces for the most important people in your life to communicate essential information and express difficult feelings.
You’ll find, over time, as you build those good habits, the habits you want to have with the people you want in your life, the day-to-day challenges will become easier, and your relationships will grow stronger.
Peace & Love,
Jeff Mayhugh