How to overcome learned helplessness

Self-help in poetry and prose.

The thing with self-help — with getting better and improving yourself — is that you never really know when you're “there.” You don’t get a clear sign that says, “Congrats, you’ve made it!” There’s no checkpoint where you can confidently say, “Yep, I know how to do this now. I’ve got it all figured out.”

Earlier this week, I wrote about learned helplessness—how someone can become trapped in a cycle of defeat and simply give up. They start to believe they can’t do something, or that things won’t change. And they just stop trying, not because they’re lazy, but because they’ve convinced themselves it won’t matter.

Learned Helplessness can be overcome. And it starts with understanding this: You don’t know everything, and that’s okay; nobody does. Ever pretend to know something because you were too proud to admit that you didn’t? Yeah, most of us have. But when we do that, we pass over an opportunity to learn something new. To grow.

Next might be the hardest part: You have to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for what you did not know. Forgive yourself for not believing in yourself. For giving up too soon. For thinking it was too hard, when maybe it was just uncomfortable.

After you accept what you don’t know, you need to accept that you can do better. You can do it. You absolutely can do that thing—whatever it is, if you take the time and put in the effort. Learn the things you once told yourself you couldn’t. Whatever it is, the next step of your journey is waiting, but you’ve got to earn it by learning.

Then, you must get organized.

What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What’s important to you? Write it down. List it. Prioritize it.

Then, make a plan.

How are you going to be that person? How will you accomplish your goals? Make a plan and start checking off the things you want to accomplish in your life. Do it!

And then... repeat. That’s the tricky part. Because you never really “there.” You're always learning. Always making mistakes. Having to forgive yourself. You reach a point where you think you've figured something out, and suddenly new information changes your perspective. Now you must go back and rethink that old thing you thought you knew.

That’s okay. It happens. You don’t have to be upset with yourself. You don’t have to feel bad because you didn’t know. You just have to acknowledge that you now know something new and move forward from there.

So here it is, dropped in poetry: How to Get Over Learned Helplessness.

Accept that you don’t know.
Forgive yourself.
Accept that you can do better.
Organize your life.
Make a plan.
Repeat.

Peace and Love,

Jeff Mayhugh