How to regain our power
I recently attended a dads conference at Park Valley Church, ran by a good friend of mine Adam. The conference was called Dad Conversations because as Adam put it “men need to talk”. Over the course of three Wednesdays Adam gave us simple suggestions to be a better dad, like intentional time with our kids, setting proper expectations, and how to communicate effectively, and then he let us loose into structured conversation. Most of the class was spent having us dads share our experiences, both failed and successful with each other. Adam created a combination dad think tank and support group and I loved the experience.
In the first week Adam shared the importance of rest as a father, he said: “Our kids need present dads, and we can’t be present if we are drained and not focused.” That one hit me hard. My wife says I work too much, my kids say I work too much, my friends say I work too much, my dad says I work too much. And they’re right.
How can one rest when the thinking never stops? How do you turn off your brain? Or, how do you ignore it? When I drive I don’t listen to music, I think. I spend about an hour a day just sitting in my room thinking. When I was a kid I would lay awake at night thinking of every possibility of tomorrow, things like, what if aliens attacked, or, what if we could teleport, or, what if my dad died, or, what if that girl from Spanish class talks to me. After Columbine I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if a kid brought a gun to school and every time I would think about out it, I would get a sinking feeling in my stomach and a stiffness in my hands. I never liked thinking of the real stuff but it was somewhat comforting, it left me feeling prepared, like I had a little control of the uncontrollable.
A few months back I wrote a poem where I engage the idea of free will called My Truth, it was about understanding ourselves so we could better ourselves. I wrote it because about 5 years ago I made commitment to be a better husband, father, friend and boss. The first step in my journey was to listen to my family and friends. I was surprised to hear I wasn’t right all the time but I was glad to learn. This experience provided me the reflection I needed. In order to become a better man, I needed to see the man I was. Next I made a plan to educate myself and build better relationships with the people I love. I started by apologizing and reading. I reached out to those I ignored or disrespected and I made sure they understood I would do better. I focused my time on my wife and kids and family night was born. I then focused on myself and made a commitment to read. When I was 7 I memorized all the Presidents and Vice Presidents, but as an adult I had forgotten most of them, so I decided to start reading Presidential biographies. The reading didn’t stop with biographies, I ended up reading philosophy, sociology, economics, founding documents, and much more. This experience gave me the reflection and understanding of our society and it’s why I can’t stop thinking or rest.
“The salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human meekness and human responsibility.”
― Vaclav Havel
I thought my will was free because I made a plan and changed myself— I was in control of me. It was comforting to have control of my life for the first time in 36 years, but the more I read, and the more I learned, the more I realized something. We are on the wrong path and ever since I realized that, I struggle to think about anything else. And when it’s time to rest, all I do is think. So instead of spending my Sunday resting and watching the NFL, I spend my Sunday reading Henry Ford’s biography and writing this article. It’s kinda like rest because at least when I am working on the problem it doesn't feel so big.
“You do not become a ''dissident'' just because you decide one day to take up this most unusual career. You are thrown into it by your personal sense of responsibility, combined with a complex set of external circumstances. You are cast out of the existing structures and placed in a position of conflict with them. It begins as an attempt to do your work well, and ends with being branded an enemy of society.”
― Vaclav Havel
Let me take a minute and speak directly to those reading who may know me personally, maybe you attended one of my weddings, maybe we worked together, maybe we play fantasy football together, or maybe we met at poetry, no matter how we met I want you to know — I need your help. This problem that keeps me thinking and unable to rest is solvable but it going to take more than one man’s focus, it’s going to take a communities. The goal is to build two circles, one is a leadership circle, which so far has 6 members, built of people who like me can’t stop thinking. Leaderships goal is to communicate and work on the problems our society faces. The other is a community circle, built from family focused people who want a little more control over their lives, their goal is to listen and provide feedback to the leadership team.
I value time and I wouldn't be asking for yours if I didn't think it was serious. If you’re interested in becoming part of the community circle, please reach out and ask to be added to the telegram thread. If you are interested in joining the leadership team reach out and let’s have lunch.
The problems we face are both complex and simple. The simplest explanation I can give for why we are on the wrong path is because our leaders have been concentrating power for generations. In order to get ourselves back on the right path we must balance the power.
The wrong path: Concentrated power
The right path: Balanced power
If you’d like to know more about the path we are on and the one we should be on, then make it a priority to come to the next Madisonian Republican meeting.
In the third week of the dads workshop Adam talked about how to handle technology and social media with our kids. He recognized the fear some dads might have about something they don’t understand. He guided us to get to learn technology so we can better educated and prepare our children. It got me thinking about our politics, it’s scary to a lot of people, but it’s not getting any better on it’s own, best to learn so we can better educate and prepare our children.
I decided to attend the dads workshop because sometimes I feel powerless as a father and decided to get help. With guidance, reflection, and education I try to put myself and family on the right path. The toxic, unstable political environment may seem scary, or impossible to fix, but it’s happened before and it will probably happen again. Many of us feel powerless as a result but I want you to know you have the power to make the change we need. The power lies with our family, friends and neighbors. Power lies in our community. The rest will have to wait, it’s time to unite.
Together we can right our path.
“I feel that the dormant goodwill in people needs to be stirred. People need to hear that it makes sense to behave decently or to help others, to place common interests above their own, to respect the elementary rules of human coexistence.”
― Vaclav Havel
