Listening to lead

Teaching to be heard

On a whim, I drove to DC, took a walk around the Capital, and visited the Library of Congress. I’m not sure what I was doing there, other than I was frustrated at the lack of leadership and wanted to see if I could run into someone in power. It’s not that I think the Republicans should fall in line and elect McCarthy, or that I think a few Republicans should bolt and join the Democrats to elect Jeffries. It’s that Con Men like McCarthy and Gaetz are playing games for power. McCarthy wields his authority while Gaetz uses his grift of turning mommy against daddy to build a coalition and block him. Neither of them is thinking of me, a father of 5, a small business owner, who makes less than $100k per year. The regular American who doesn’t care about their power games, but who is starving for opportunity and afraid for our children’s future. I am frustrated because, in this broken system of weak men and women, there is no leadership. It should be easy to convince a small group of rational-minded representatives to back a rational candidate and hold out until their demands are met. Yet I hear nothing. Cowards. The republic is crumbling and they do nothing, but cable news hits. Gaetz has seized his power, when are the good people going to seize power? How will anything change if no one speaks? This is their moment.

I didn’t have much time in DC, but I got my Library of Congress card so I will be going back soon. Later in the evening I went into Julia’s room and observed her with her twin sisters. They were playing SORRY, when Ellie got up, walked over to the Alexa, and manually turned the volume up 2. The music was quite loud now, so Julia said “Alexa, volume down.” Before the volume had even reset Ellie was complaining about it. She said she couldn’t hear it. Julia explained that she (Ellie) turned it up 2 and she (Julia) had only turned it down 1. Then she said, “if you can’t hear it you need to go to the doctor.” Ellie is sibling number 5, she is always seeking to grasp her power. She knows her sister did something wrong and she sought to take advantage. She started tattling, with her arms crossed and bottom lip puckered she said “Julia was mean.”

As a parent, these are the hard moments to navigate. She wasn’t right, but neither was Julia. I first corrected Ellie, explaining how Julia allowed her to turn the music up even though she forgot to ask, and Julia gave her a good explanation of how the music was louder than it was, but Ellie just didn’t take the time to listen. She focused on the last thing Julia said and ignored the rest. She needs to focus on the whole and not just the part. Then I turned toward Julia. I explained by throwing in the dig (even though it wasn’t much of one) at the end, she distracted her sister and didn’t allow her the opportunity to reflect. I told her when talking to immature minds, you have to be careful how you speak. When they hear a negative it will grasp their focus and that makes it difficult to hear anything else. Her explanation was rational and well delivered, if she leaves the negative out, Ellie wouldn’t have any ammo to distract from the moment and would be forced to reflect on, or defend her actions. I asked Julia if she understood she said, “yes.”

After this, I walked away and reflected on the moment and the day. I wonder if Ellie would turn out like Gaetz if I indulged her need to escape accountability and reflection. I wondered if I allowed her to distract me with her pouting lip and deflection if she would learn to use it as a weapon later on in life. I wonder what type of world would be left for her if people like Gaetz were in power. I thought about how politicians ignore rational explanations and focus on name-calling. And I thought about how disappointing it all is.

When I was talking with Julia tonight I was explaining how to better communicate. If she wants to lead she needs to know how to listen, and if she wants to teach she needs to know how to be heard. The problem we have is the Con Men “leading” us don’t want to listen, and the rest don’t know how to be heard. The Con Men bully and play power games. They wield emotion as a weapon to distract us while they seek power. If we want things to change we need leaders who know how to be heard, so the Con Men can’t distract and would be forced to reflect on and defend their actions.