Married with Children
Vanessa and I found ourselves watching Married with Children before bed. The show was a turning point in television history for those who don't know. It was one of the first successful sitcoms on the scrappy up-and-coming network that is FOX. The show was different than most family sitcoms of the time. This family rarely learned lessons, helped each other, or showed love. Instead, they fought, competed, and lashed out.
The show is about the Bundys; Al, the father, is a shoe salesman. He is the primal male living in the modern day. His focus is sex, food, entertainment, and competition. He loves his family, but is lazy and struggles to communicate any feeling other than anger. His wife, Peggy is a stay-at-home mom; like her husband, she is lazy. She spends her days watching TV, smoking, and eating bon bons. She rarely cooks or cleans, but loves to shop. They have two children, Bud and Kelly. Bud is the youngest; he’s got a smart mouth and is always getting himself into trouble. Kelly is the oldest: she is promiscuous and kinda dim.
In the pilot episode, the Bundys meet their new neighbors, the Rhoades. Steve and Marcy are a newlywed couple who have two incomes and no children. They are co-dependent and affectionate. Al and Peggy won’t let that stand.
J: What would you say defines Peggy and Al’s relationship?
V: With any relationship, it’s trying to find a balance of power and responsibilities. It’s tricky, especially for Peggy and Al. Each wants to feel independence and respect, but their delivery is wrong. Peggy lashes out when she feels Al is questioning what she does to help run their household. Al also reacts in the same manner, ensuring he’s viewed as the “man” and the “provider.” Neither Peggy nor Al wants to put in the effort to achieve that, and they end up in the vicious circle of competing for easy wins rather than lasting progress.
J: Agreed, competition and power. Peggy pretends to be busy all day while Al brags about how hard he works. When Al has the opportunity to go to the game he puts his foot down telling Peggy that “he knows best” because he’s the “man.” When Al is about to leave Peggy threatens a spending spree and Al backs off. They each wield their power over the other to get what they want but Peggy wins this round.
V: What did you think about Al’s reaction to Peggy not getting him the juice?
J: He showed anger, but really he was disappointed. He believes he works hard and at times, probably does, although we don’t see it in the show, and getting juice is a relatively minor task. It is the least that Peggy could do to show that she cares about him.
V: I think Al’s reaction was 100% relatable. We’ve all experienced this at one time or another being in a relationship. He came off upset, but he felt unheard and taken for granted. It’s difficult to feel heard when you feel like the world is beating you down and Al feels like that most of the time, forgetting all of the happiness he has with his wife and kids.
J: What did you think about the moment when Bud and Kelly asked for money?
V: Both Kelly and Bud use their power of information over each other to get what they want. It was very relatable in our world compared to the world I grew up in and the values I was raised to believe. It sheds light on how WE choose to raise our children and the expectation of respect we teach our children. Teaching young children the value of a $1 is crucial; they should feel accomplished when earning it.
J: Yeah, I agree. When Al rewarded Bud for tattling on Kelly, he was reinforcing negative competitiveness in their relationship. Instead, Al should explain that Kelly’s behavior was wrong, and while the information may be helpful for Al to protect Kelly, Bud should see it as a way to help Kelly instead of harming her. He focuses on his reward and ignores his sister’s feelings. When Kelly walks in, Al confronts her, but she wields her love against him. As you mentioned earlier, Al feels underappreciated, so Kelly’s kind words are the appreciation he is missing, but like her mother, she wields it for money or, as some might see it, power. I think the lesson here is that one should compete against themselves and not their family, and love is not shown in money but in attention.
This brings me to something else that fits here. As we talk about values and how we were raised. I can’t help but notice how money seems to be the center of the relationships here. In the show, we see Peggy and both kids ask for and receive money. They should seek Al’s attention, help, and guidance, but instead, they seek something more material. Something that has immediate gratification as they use the money in our consumer economy to serve themselves and buy something disposable. It’s not that we shouldn’t buy things. It’s just that we should prioritize relationships over our desires. Maybe this is because Al was a lazy parent or he struggled at expressing himself, maybe it was easier to hand over a dollar than spend time with them. But since we have been watching classic TV together, I have noticed the focus on money in a lot of these old shows. And as you said, money is expected, not earned. I can’t help thinking to myself how this may have influenced a generation of children.
V: What did you think of Peggy and Al’s advice to Steve and Marcy?
J: I think Steve and Marcy represent a new generation’s version of a couple. The power dynamic is different because they have two incomes. When they are home, they work less apart and more together. Al notices Steve is compromising too much, and Peggy sees how much power Marcy has and tries to exploit it. Peggy leans into Marcy’s insecurities about Steve staying up late without her, and Al encourages Steve put his foot down and go to the game with him. Instead of using their years of experience in marriage to guide the younger couple and encourage them to communicate their concerns with each other, they ultimately divide them.
V: I think that Steve and Marcy shed light on Peggy's thought of “what” marriage can look like, and she felt a tency bit of jealousy. She sees the love, respect, and admiration these two newlyweds have for each other and sees a way to ruffle some feathers. Her intent is to leave them questioning themselves, and boy, does she achieve it. Al, on the other hand, sympathizes with Steve. He feels Steve should “stand up” for himself. His intent is to help, but it’s raw and cutthroat because he feels devalued. I think that Al loves Peggy just as much as Steve loves Marcy, but he’s been so beaten down it’s blinded.
J: I don’t think Peggy’s intent is to make them question themselves, although I agree that’s what happened. I think she sees the power or control Marcy has in their relationship and doesn’t want her to lose it. Maybe Al was more compromising when they were first married but grew complacent over time. Maybe her intentions were good but misguided.
V: Peggy is trying to divide Steve and Marcy because the expectation of Marcy is different compared to hers. Nowadays, most households are dual income, but not in the time frame when this show was aired. The expectation of a stay-at-home mom 35 years ago is 100% different from the expectation of a stay-at-home mom in 2023. Back then if you stayed at home, the stereotypical expectation was Mom would do the shopping, the cleaning, and have a hot meal on the table for her family. Peggy was used to that dynamic. When she met Steve and Marcy and listened to how they were a team and split responsibilities, she shifted the intentions of her advice to ensure Marcy held onto it.
J: Interesting, so you’re saying Peggy is attempting to help them by forcing them against each other so they will be forced to talk out the issues they have? I can see that now. Although I think Peggy could have taken a different path. LOL
V: Correct. I don’t agree with Peggy or Al’s tactics, but I do think that they both want to help Steve and Marcy.
Are the Bundys selfish and lazy, or do they not know any better? Are they manipulating their neighbors out of jealousy or because they want to help? Are they bad people, or have they just had a rough life with fewer opportunities? It’s hard to know; after all, it’s just a TV show, but I think the way we view it may say something about us. Maybe we see the best in the bad people because we relate to their behavior. Maybe we understand that sometimes people do things just because they don’t understand and they have no one there to explain it to them or hold them accountable. Or maybe they did but didn’t listen because we live in an entertainment society that turned the anti-heroes into heroes.