She will not be defeated.
She will not be defeated.
I believe in us.
It’s 7pm and she’s just getting home to the girls, she stepped out to pick up outfits for tomorrows 50’s day at school. She never wants the girls to feel left out and they love dressing up. She’s been up since 6 — grinding 12 hour work days like nothing. She’s tired, frustrated, and still has more work to do. But for now, it’s break time. It’s impressive to watch her work, she’s so clever with the way she maximizes the little time she has somedays. She’ll only see them for a moment today but she will make that moment shine. Now it’s dress up time. One is dressed in overalls, rolled up pant legs and a white long sleeve tee; the other is wearing rolled up jeans and a black long sleeve tee, both have frilly socks and a black scarf tied in their pony tails with a giant toothless smile. They strut around the room and talk about how excited they are to go to school tomorrow. She may be tired and frustrated but she filled the room with smiles and laughter. She will not be defeated.
Earlier this year she took a second job to help fund my campaign, all while putting in overtime at her full time job. Still, she managed to make time for campaign events, graduation days, and field trips. Sometimes I can’t imagine how a person goes on the way she does. When the flu swept through the house she took care of 3 kids, myself (37) and the twins (5), while working 10-15 hour days. She does the laundry, makes delicious soups and helps the kids with their homework. When I am defeated she brings me up. A few weeks ago I let the negativity of the world get to me, she held my head, stroked my hair and said:
It’s hard and you knew it was going to be hard, you know what you need to do and you know it’s going to take time. Don’t let others who don’t know bring you down. You have to teach them. You have to be patient. I know you want to quit but you know you can’t. You are struggling because you don’t believe you can do it. But I believe you can.
After a few minutes of blubbering and complaining about the unforgiving cruel nature of politics, and about all the things I cannot control, she wiped the tears from my eyes and found a way to make me smile. She wiped away the negativity by putting the world into perspective, she energized and inspired me to write another article.
She’s worked for the same company since we met in 2010. When Covid happened, she was able to work full time remote, something she had been asking to do for years. Once the full time remote started, so did the full time employee. Teams messages used to stop at 5 but now they buzzed all night. As covid passed and the world went back to normal her workload increased and so did her work day. She typically clocks in before 8 and spends 2-3 days a week working until midnight. She spends her extra time working on communication and workflow charts to better efficiency and help the company grow. She needs more staff to make the changes required and they keep telling her help is on the way. But recently I got a call from her, she’s was in tears.
They let Eric (name changed) go. He’s been with the company for 20 plus years. They laid off so many people today. What are we going to do?
My stomach sank. She’s been telling me for months this is coming. I have no idea what we are going to do, we are blue collar, middle management, our only option is to work. I know we will figure it out but I have no idea how, which means I have no idea what to say to her. How do I make her feel better? When she gets home we talk. She’s emotional— she feels mislead, angry and sad. I give her a long hug and tell her it will be ok. She pulls back and says, how do you know?
Honestly, I don’t. But I watch you everyday and you are impressive. I don’t know what we are going to do but I know you can do it. I know you can do anything. You are thoughtful, reflective, kind, empathetic and hard working— there is nothing you can’t do. I believe in you.
Her heavy brown eyes staring back into mine told me she was listening. She will not be defeated. I held her for a while and then I made her laugh. Fart jokes always get a smile. It was Friday and the night was young so we decided to escape the cold reality of the world, leave our work at home, and go out to one of our favorite local restaurants. We ordered the Sicilian Style Chicken to share and it was delicious. Afterwords we went over for a drink at the new hotel in Haymarket. We sat and talked about our future, we made plans and backup plans. It was difficult but it felt comfortable to do it with her.
The world is full of unknowns we can’t control, and it can leave us feeling defeated. We can focus on the failure or we can focus on the success. We can be angry the moment isn’t long enough or we can make the moment shine. It’s now almost 10, dress up time is over, kids are fed and in bed, and she is still working. I wish I could do something to help but I know the best thing I can do is to keep working myself.
She is my strength and support. She is my inspiration and heart. She is my other half. She is my wife and I am lucky to have her.