The Same Ole Jeffrey
Another Poetry Drop
It’s time for another Poetry Drop!
I wrote this poem the other day. I had something weighing on my mind. The twins had a playdate after school, so I had an extra hour of free time, so I decided to sit down and get it out of my head. As I started writing, I struggled to get a flow, so I opened Spotify and looked up some rap beats. The song Still D.R.E came on, and….
The Same Ole Jeffrey
I’m still me
Still the same ole Jeffrey
Yeah, I’ve changed
But more like rearranged
I still like football, TV, and whiskey
But now I like reading, writing, and poetry
I’m still silly
I’ll still make a funny face or talk like a monkey
But now, I’m no flunky
I’ve taken inventory
Looked in the mirror
I KNOW ME
THE SAME OLE JEFFREY
We can chill on the couch or read Nietzsche
I can build you a table
Cook you a meal
And carry the conversation
But, Please, Don’t let us get lost in the translation
STAY WITH ME
Pick up that book
AND LET’S READ
I took off my mask
Shared my insecurities
Cut back on the impurities
So I could lift up communities
I’M STILL ME
THE SAME OLE JEFFREY
Take my hand and walk with me
I think back; how could I forgive
So combative
I hated my name
JEFFREY
I hated reading
I HATED ME
How could I learn what I already knew
I hadn’t a clue
Then, I let him in
And we fought off the sin
We built a relationship
And I began to worship
I’M STILL ME
THE SAME OLE JEFFREY
But now I don’t know what I don’t know
And I still got my flow
I still yell
But now I got a little more self-control
Since he saved my soul
Take my hand and walk with me
Thank you God for loving me
THE SAME OLE JEFFREY
As you can tell, I didn’t use the DRE beat, but I was inspired by the song.
The poem originated with a conversation my wife and I had over the weekend. She mentioned that I had changed a lot. She didn’t mean it negatively but, just as a matter of fact. We are always changing, but my change has been a little more rapid and dramatic than normal. She said that sometimes she feels like she’s getting to know me all over again. It hit me. I knew exactly what she was talking about. Sometimes, I struggle to recognize my new self or remember my old self. However, in reality, the change is minimal. I am still the same person; there is just more to me now.
Still, it’s a lot to deal with in a marriage—especially one as complex as ours. Blending five kids from multiple relationships is not an easy task. Add to that, in 2020, we had just finished building our dream home, and within a month, it became our prison.
That’s when my change started to speed up. I spent my extra time reading and writing, trying to catch up on all the fundamental tasks I had ignored as a child. I got so focused that, one by one, I gave up all my old hobbies and separated myself from all of my old friends.
It’s not like I wasn’t aware of what was happening. My wife and kids have had several conversations about my change over the past few years. But while it’s happening, it doesn’t seem that dramatic. Now that it’s in the past, we can look back and see how far we have come.
My change has had ripple effects throughout my life. It’s brought my wife and kids closer to me, and I’ve seen positive improvement from my employees at Hardhits. However, that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been challenging for us. At times, it’s left me feeling isolated and alone, but every time I went down that route, it felt like God would reach his hand out and say, this is the way. He would pull me up and focus me back on what’s important—my family.
At the end of our conversation over the weekend, my wife let me know she wanted to start reading the Bible with me. She took my hand, and we went for a walk together.
Peace & Love,
Jeffrey Mayhugh