Time, Place, and Limits.
How to adapt with life.
Having children means living in a constant state of adaptation, especially with a big family. In our home, every day is a mix of transitions—from a toddler stepping into pre-K to a middle schooler navigating the shift to high school. Each phase brings new challenges. As a parent, I’ve found that understanding Time, Place, and Limits is the key to handling these changes. These principles help my children—and me—adapt to life’s ever-changing demands with resilience and grace.
It's important to know the right time, understand the place and respect limits. Sometimes, it’s not the time and place, and we must limit ourselves. Sometimes, it is the time and place, and we must push our limits. Sometimes, we have limited time in a new place and must adapt, and sometimes, we have what can feel like unlimited time in an old place, and we must grow.
Transitions bring new schedules, environments, and rules. The first step of adaptation is to understand Time, Place, and Limits: master the schedule, learn the new environment, and understand the rules. Build good habits, and if things need to change, you will be in a better position to change them.
I use Time, Place, and Limits in everyday parenting moments, like helping my twins learn when it’s appropriate to be playful. They are goofballs like me. They love to make people laugh, but it’s not always the right time and place to be a goofball. During a lesson on fractions is not the right time or place. In the middle of the kitchen before bed might be an appropriate time and place as long as it’s limited. I don’t decide the right time and place for them; I challenge them to think about it. Do you think this is the right time and place for that? Where is your limit?
I help them by creating a time and place to push their limits. We play a game called the “skit game” where we divide our family into two people teams to write and perform an improv comedy sketch. Successful teams deliver the punch lines in rhythm while looking the audience in the eye and staying within their stage time. This game encourages them to find the right time to deliver a punchline, respect the place of the stage, and work within the limits of their time slot.
While the twins learn comedy, my middle son Oliver is learning to pitch. After learning how to grip the different pitches, we focus on Time, Place, and Limits—the release point between a fastball, knuckle, and slider. The timing of the release changes the placement of the pitch. When starting out, the limits are low. Once good habits are built in the throwing motion, we increase the limits. Slowly building habits and increasing limits strengthen his understanding of the fundamentals, enabling him to push his limits.
While Oliver is learning to channel precision and discipline in sports, all the children face emotional challenges as they navigate new environments and relationships. Building new relationships can lead to friction, disagreements, and misunderstandings. Feelings get hurt, and emotions become difficult to limit.
I help them by allowing them a time and place to express negative emotions and reminding them that even positive emotions have limits. Negative emotions like anger, resentment, and jealousy are normal, but they often stem from a place of misunderstanding. When we talk, I offer different perspectives and then ask them to reflect on the situation with the new information. It’s ok to be angry about the teacher not accepting the late paper, but did they think about what they could have done to avoid this action?
Positive emotions, like excitement, are great, but it's important to limit them even when the time and place are right to express them. It’s okay to be excited about going outside for recess; a smile is an appropriate response, but it is not the time or place to dance and sing about. It’s ok to laugh at the joke, but there is no reason to roll on the floor while laughing. Unchecked excitement during class might disrupt others’ focus, causing misunderstandings or missed learning opportunities.
By helping my children understand Time, Place, and Limits, I’m equipping them with skills that extend beyond childhood. Whether they’re navigating school transitions, building new relationships, or entering the workplace for the first time, these principles will guide them. They’ll know how to adapt to new schedules, environments, and rules. They’ll also understand how to manage their emotions—whether it’s finding a productive way to express frustration or limiting excitement to appropriate moments. These lessons will prepare them not just for success but for resilience and growth in any stage of life.
Peace and Love,
Jeff Mayhugh