To My Daughter's Mother
To My Daughter's Mother
Gratitude can be show in many ways, but sometimes it's simply saying Thank You.
To my readers:
I found myself under a deadline and unable to find the right thing to write about so I went to my husband and asked, “Hey babe what should I write about?”
His response: I think you should write about your day out with Julia’s Mom…
So I’m not one to follow exact instructions, but I took his idea and reflected on how long it took me to show gratitude to her over the past decade.
To My Daughter’s Mother,
This letter has taken me a LOO-NG time to write. The last decade I’ve taken in everything that has occurred. I’ve made myself take a step back and see things from all angles possible. And it’s pretty obvious what I want to say to you…….
THANK YOU
Divorce is never easy. It’s not easy on the parents, and especially not easy on the children, no matter how old they are when it happens. Sure, the ideal situation would include not having to share our children with other parents, but that’s not US.
When I met Julia, I knew that she was part of my future and I found a missing piece in my puzzle. My life was never the same and for the first time I knew I was heading in the right direction.
She is beautiful
She is caring
She is funny
She is thoughtful
She is so DAMN smart (sometimes too smart)
When I first met you, I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and boy I would’ve LOVED to be on a fly on the wall to hear your first impression of ME.
I’m not going to lie. I had a difficult time seeing another “mother” who would help raise my child. It’s a HARD pill to swallow at first, but SO-OO much easier now, as we’ve grown and cultivated a friendship.
I don’t have a close relationship with my mother, and I think that relationship clouded my vision and my early decision making on our conjoined road. At times I missed that you truly did care about my happiness and both of our families joining as one.
Sure, we’ve both made mistakes, done a lot of growing (endured some growing pains), and now I can say with a smile on my face we’re in such a better place.
THANK YOU
As a mother and step-mother I’ve learned that WE GOT THIS as long as we both continue to follow these simple rules:
• Continue to love each other and treat each other with respect.
• Continue to respect each other and respect our opinions.
Thinking of writing about one of the most personal relationships is terrifying. But that’s the point of all this right? Stepping out of this box, my comfort zone, and finding a way to connect and share my experiences…. At least I think that’s the whole point LOL.
It’s not always so simple.
There’s the history and baggage between the exes, bitterness and jealousy between biological mom and stepmom, resentment from just about everyone.
Being completely honest our co-parenting and intermingling of families was never part of “my” plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child.
I doubt you ever wanted me and my children in your life.
I wanted to resent you, but over time you’ve made it impossible and I’ve grown thankful for you.
But each of our lives had plans that far exceed our own imaginations and when “my” family dissolved to form two families I knew my puzzle was complete.
THANK YOU
Loving our children, no matter what the circumstance. It’s all we can ever offer our children as parents. And I know, that you and I, together, can love our daughter unconditionally and without fail.
You’ve allowed me to accept our daughter. You’ve offered to included me in our daughter’s life and allowed me to make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with me above yours at times and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.
I’m grateful that we have each other to help power through her teen years (boy I am NOT ready for what she has planned.)
You’ve respected my position as mom and I appreciate that.
THANK YOU
I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text each other, get lunch, and go shopping together.
Its an honor to help raise our daughter the way that WE do, she will be a better woman because of that. She will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.
THANK YOU
I cannot put into works how thankful I am that we’re both mature enough and respectful to co-parent together.
I promise to always respect your input for our daughter.
I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother.
I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong women in her life that have the courage to mother her together.
THANK YOU!
My family is messy and unconventional, but its MY family and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I feel extremely grateful to have such a kind and loving husband that has grown to love my sons and allowed me to love his daughter. For a long time, I felt embarrassed or as if I failed because my life didn’t match what I thought it should be and the moment I let that go I was able to experience how MUCH of what I see isn’t real. I love my family and they love me and nothing else matters.
Thank you for reading, it’s such a vulnerable thing to share, but I hope you’ve enjoyed. None of us know what our “family” will look like, but no matter what your situation may be, fill it will LOVE, LAUGHTER, and GRACE.
Please consider a like, a share, a comment. I’d love to connect and discuss along with getting ideas on topics that you’d be interested in hearing about.