Truth and Responsibility

How do we know we are doing the right thing?

Do you ever feel tense for no reason? But do you? Are you being truthful with yourself? Saturday morning, I was tense for no reason. At least that’s what I told myself sitting at the kitchen island, foot-tapping, biting my nails, asking myself why am I behaving this way? My wife and I had a good Friday night. The girls slept in which means mom and dad slept in, so it was a good morning, why am I behaving like it’s not? The twins were in their pajamas eating a pop tart yammering away as normal. This is normally prime dad time, a moment where I get to drop the responsibilities and be me, be goofy. This is funny face time and silly story time. But on this tense for no reason morning, I sat—90s spiderman on in the background, toothless monkeys cackling at their silly stories, and instead of joining in, I turned and said “shhh, sit down.” And I ask myself WHY AM I BEHAVING THIS WAY?

My wife comes down and brings order to the kitchen. We plan out our day—Bee Festival from 12:30 -2 pm, then back home to drop the kids off with my parents at 3:30. My wife looks in my direction and says, “Babe you should eat.” She heats me up leftover Jersey Mike’s Philly cheesesteak and sits down next to me. As we talk, I nibble but I don’t eat much. She says, “Babe, you know you got to eat.” I am not sure what I said in response, but it was snarky and probably a little disrespectful. She put her hand on my bouncing thigh and said, “Babe, I’m just trying to help.” There it was— TRUTH. Suddenly I allowed myself to understand why I was behaving this way. I was nervous about my first Madisonian Republican meeting. I was prepared and wanted to act like it was no big deal and I thought I was acting like it was no big deal. But I wasn’t. My wife was showing me that no matter how hard I wanted to change my reality and pretend that today wasn’t a big deal, and I was “fine”, I couldn’t change her reality. My behavior tells her the truth, even when my words don’t.

Once I admitted my feelings, I was able to accept her help. I let her take the lead with the kids, I didn’t need anything extra to think about it. We packed up the kids and headed out, while driving she got me to talk. I share that I am worried no one will show up or that I will scare people off by rambling and when she digs deeper the truth comes out “What if I’m wrong? What if I am leading people in the wrong direction?” She fires back quickly, something like “BABE you’re doing it for the right reason, you gotta believe in yourself, stop saying silly things like that.” I know she’s right. I think she’s right. I hope she’s right. Either way, it’s enough to keep me moving through this crippling anxiousness. We arrive at the Bee Festival on schedule. As we walk up the twins see the ponies and start asking questions.

Sadie: “Daddyyyy, can we ride a pony?”

Me: “Um….no, but you can pet one.”

Sadie: “Cool, I want to pet a pony!”

Ellie: “I’m wearing cowgirl boots so I can ride a pony daddy, but if you say no, I guess I won’t.

After that classic Ellie moment, we made our way to the ponies and the girls were in heaven. Then we went over to the bees, the girls were less excited about them. We watched the beekeeper show us a hive and explain how they protect their queen, and how they make honey. It’s inspiring to see nature at work. We live in such an artificial world; it was great to see something real being made. After petting the ponies more we decided to get some snow cones and ice cream. We found a shaded spot near the stage, there was a very talented ukulele player performing modern folk and pop, so we sat and listened. It was great to pause in the summer heat and be silly with my kids. We snapped some funny face pictures while mamma was in line (thank you mamma) and when she was back, we had more ice cream than we could handle. Classic mamma move. The event was wonderful, and I am grateful to the City of Manassas for putting it on. I am a sucker for any event that provides knowledge and fun for my kids. Leaving was a bit of a challenge, the sun had worn Sadie out and she was “EXHAUSTED!” as she put it. I had to use my dad voice once or twice, but my persistence paid off and she behaved herself. No major meltdown. Once in the car both girls and Oliver passed out. It was nice to get a break before the big meeting, spending time with my kids always seems to ground me and remind me why I am putting myself through this. It also reminds me how much I miss my old simple life, the one where I didn’t feel this responsibility.  We got to my parents by 3:30 and dropped the kids off, it was time.

I’ve had this feeling for over a year now. The feeling is responsibility. This overwhelming feeling that I can do something to help, so I should.  This feeling has led me to give speeches at fantasy football drafts, create telegram threads about politics, start a substack, create a podcast, and run for congress. And now this feeling has led me to create the Madisonian Republicans. Two years ago, I didn’t know how our government worked and now I am trying to teach it to people. Through this journey, I have shaped myself into a different person. I no longer watch TV or drink whiskey, now I read books and drink coffee. I didn’t do it on purpose, it just happened naturally while following this feeling of responsibility. And that feeling has led to my feeling of anxiousness but instead of following my instincts and running from what is uncomfortable, I keep trying to build a group I can be comfortable in.  Because my dad taught me not to step over a mess and to use my skill for something more than my personal ambition.

Before I tell you about how the meeting went, let me explain what the Madisonian Republicans are. My study of government and history has led me to see two major problems with our republic.

1. A lack of representation has led to wealth corrupting the process.

2. A corrupted process has led to a system that encourages the wrong people to run for office.

My solution is to teach people how to govern themselves. My goal is to bring people from my community together and focus on writing policies to solve the problems we face. We will present and debate our ideas as a group and once we have shaped a policy that gets 70% approval, we will share it with the public. Most candidates for office say they can’t do anything until they are in office. They spend their time fundraising and campaigning and when they get to the office they continue fundraising and campaigning and they never seem to get around to solving problems. they aren’t doing their job. I plan to prove that fundraising and campaigning are not what Republican government is about, it’s about people. It’s about self-governance and I plan to prove it by doing their job for them. It’s unpaid and not glamorous but there is a reason Ben Franklin said, “A republic, if you can keep it.” A republic is about civic responsibility.

We arrived at Vita Nova in Nokesville, my wife and I carried a bunch of my books inside and set up. People started to arrive right on time and proved my wife right—people would show. After everyone got their coffee, we started the meeting. This is where the nerves really take hold, standing in front of a group of people looking at me is always uncomfortable no matter how many times I practice. But I push through and start my presentation. I stumbled and rushed through it, but people seemed interested. I get paused and try to regroup, and while I do, friends in the room jump in to help guide me. I take a seat. Now things are starting to feel comfortable. We sat a discussed the structure of the organization, political philosophy, and why it is important to fulfill our founder’s vision of giving people equal representation. I was so proud of all the people who showed up. They provided a productive environment for complex conversations about government to live in with their thoughtfulness and kindness. Most of them didn’t know me a year ago and now they were spending their valuable time listening to me. It’s not easy to trust people in a world filled with lies and I feel so blessed they trusted me enough to engage.

Overall, the meeting was a success. I received lots of positive feedback, although all I could think about were the places I could have improved. And that feeling of anxiousness that I had all day, didn’t go away as I hoped it would. My wife and I stayed up and talk for hours that night. I shared all my fears and hopes, and she help comfort me through it all. Through this process, I have never had a great answer as to what I am doing but to put it simply, I am trying to lead. I told my wife that I didn’t want to do it, but I don’t think I can stop, and she said “you talk about TRUTH all the time Jeff, the truth is, you must because no one else is doing it. And you know that, so stop pretending like you have a choice, accept the truth and deal with it.”

My name is Jeff Mayhugh, and the truth is, I am ready to lead but I need your help. Most importantly, our country needs your help. If my behavior seems strange it’s because I am trying to protect myself and my family from a corrupt system that values money over people. If you would like to help change that system, reach out, and let’s have a conversation. I know I can do this. I think I can do this. I hope I can do this. Either way, it’s enough to get me to the July meeting.