Reflections on Charlie Kirk, Faith, Fear, and God.
Every week, I speak with Pastor Steve from Park Valley at William Floyd Counseling Center.
Speaking with Pastor Steve has been life-changing for me. I love my dad, but he's not much of a talker, and I have an incredibly active mind. It's constantly processing new information, and I need an outlet. I need reflection, and I've always sought that in different areas, through different avenues in my life.
But as I took on this new and bigger challenge, I needed something more consistent, something more open. I first started looking for that in a mentor, someone who was in politics who could help take me under their wing, teach me the ropes, and be a sounding board.
I haven’t found that yet, but with William Floyd Counseling Center and Pastor Steve, I got something better. I have someone who listens to me and understands my strengths and weaknesses, not just because I share them with him, but also because he can see them. Somebody who knows me well enough that when I share about an argument with my wife, isn't afraid to challenge me and say, Did you say it to her like you said it to me?
And when I'm searching for answers, he always points me back to God, to the Bible, to scripture. Every week is a reminder of where I need to be, what I'm doing, who I am doing it for, and how I need to do it.
Like I mentioned, I've always had a very active mind. I recently wrote about how vivid and realistic my dreams were as a child. Another one of my nightmares came up while talking with Pastor Steve last week, and it got me thinking a little bit deeper about it.
Ever since I started this journey, I've always kind of known where I would end up. I've been hesitant. I've been willing to let it go if I could just find somebody to take it over for me. I've been reluctant not just because I don't want to do all the work, but also because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that what happened to Charlie Kirk would happen to me. I'm afraid that what Charlie's family is going through is what my family would have to go through. And I don't want that.
One of the most frequent pieces of advice that I’ve received is that I should just get a microphone and go talk. People tell me that I am really good at that. And a big reason that I don't is because I'm afraid.
Now, there are other reasons. I think that what I need to do is different. And I think that I'm the only person who really knows the best way because I'm the main driver of this journey. And I have to trust the work that I put in and the path that’s laid in front of me. But there is a part of me that's just afraid because I have those nightmares that are vivid and realistic, and they feel real.
That's why I talk to Pastor Steve, so I can stay focused on the Word of God and overcome my fears. So I can be the best version of myself.
It's funny, although we don’t talk much, my dad and I are a lot alike in the way that we think and act. But we separated in many ways because I was afraid. He worked with dangerous tools, and I was afraid of what those tools would do. That power to remove your hand, and it's never coming back, frightened me.
I would have those nightmares and visions. I could have them in the moment, splitting wood, just pausing, having that thought of what could happen flash through my mind. And because of that, I didn’t want to be around him when he was working with those tools. And I didn’t want to work with him because of those tools. I allowed my fear to control me.
On the Representation Station last week, we talked a little bit about Charlie Kirk with our guest, Sara Wolk. She mentioned how difficult it is to get on stage and speak, how brave it is to be able to do that.
Over the past week, I have seen so many videos of Kirk debating people. He’s thoughtful, engaging, yet unwavering in his beliefs. Those are not easy things to be.
What Kirk did is even braver because the more you study politics and history. The more you see the good and bad in the world. The easier it becomes to believe the worst in others. The easier it becomes to succumb to the fear, and I can't help but admire how brave it was for him to take the microphone and have the debate.
Because what he was doing was what we should all aspire to do. Solve our problems with our words. Take the time to understand what we're talking about and learn how to articulate it in a way that is digestible and understood by somebody else.
We should reflect on him and what he did, how important it was. How incredibly brave it was, and how there are people like me who wish we had the courage of people like Charlie Kirk.
While I don't want to take the microphone and speak in front of people the way that he did, it will be part of what I do at some point. I will be able to do it because of people like Pastor Steve, who point back to God week after week.
I will be able to do it because people like Charlie Kirk have already done the hard work. I will be able to do it because I have faith in the support around me. I have faith in my ability to work, discern, and act.
I have faith in God.
Peace & Love,
Jeff Mayhugh
This is a helpful reflection of Charlie and his courage.
I find myself in your position. I am afraid of making huge errors in public speaking that might damage the credibility of my message. There are mistakes that I don't know how I would come back from.
I, too, feel the need to prepare, and be ready, for whatever moment I might have to speak. Thank you for acknowledging that this is not only a mental/emotional problem, it is also a spiritual one. I try to remember the encouragement I receive from the Word. I try to prepare academically, but also spiritually.
I Peter 3:14-17
But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.
Ephesians 6:19 "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,"
Matthew 10: 19-20
When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.